#GIRLDINNER

I will start out by saying that I never have, and never will, be a tiktok person. Honestly I’m entirely too old cool headachey busy and important for such trifles.
I do, however, live in the actual world, and through various other mediums (where you can follow me as jsboomboom) I have of course come across this trend and found enjoyment and outrage at the different takes on this cultural phenomenon of *checks notes* Women Eating Stuff.

As someone who was a tubby teenager in the 90s, I would like to offer a full on hallelujah for anything that encourages women to eat stuff. I lived through the age of heroin chic and still frequently calculate my net moral worth based on calories consumed in the past 48 hours. I’m not going to dwell on this nonsense, thankfully some of the world has moved on. Us ladies enjoy sharing our little joys and foibles, and that includes a cute snacky treat sometimes. Or a family sized bowl of truffle mayo fries. Whatever. I don’t care if you’re brandishing a mocha protein shake with a gym selfie or trying to cram all eight side dishes (that you aren’t sharing) into one shot for your stories, I want to see it.
Call it an act of micro-feminism to applaud girls and ladies and women taking up space and feeding their bodies. Blame it on the feral aunt stage of my life where I will big up anything that brings girls joy and attention, especially if it is covered in cheese. Give a passing credit to my mid forties where I know that you’re tired, honey, and I want you to have all the wine and chorizo bites that your screaming hormones demand.

So before I give you my top five girl dinners, I am not going to condescend to define what a girl dinner is in culinary terms, because it’s not about the food, people. It’s about the choice. It’s about a nurturing oneself. It’s about turning the mundane act of a meal into a happy little snapshot of your personality, be it cosy or chaotic. Enjoy it.

No 1: The Classic.
This is basically the working woman’s meal deal: a crispy salad, something fried, and some booze, ideally served at a table for one with a good book. Bonus points if you are travelling or decompressing from some day job related bullshit like a conference or training course.
I discovered my love of the classic girl dinner over two week-long stints at a Holiday Inn where company expense policy allowed me to stretch to a Cesar salad and a side of chips for my evening meal. I paid the extra three quid to add chicken myself and obviously the very large and very cold glass of wine was not on the employer’s tab BUT I have to say it is the booze that makes this combo work. it is just not the same with a glass of squash. More on-trend types claim a martini as the correct beverage here, however, much as I love a martini I see them more as an appetiser. In my meal deal, I opt for a mid price chardonnay unless it’s more than 25 degrees outside, in which case bone dry rosé or sav blancs come into play.

No 2: The Charcuterie Board
If you’re over 40 you actually call this ‘a picky tea’, and also if you are over 40 please try not to openly hate on the Gen Z’ers who have just discovered eating half a sausage, six olives and two mini babybels dipped in hummus when they can’t be arsed to cook.
This type of girl dinner is the true leveller as it can fit any budget and be tailored to any theme as long as opening packets and slicing are the only preparation techniques involved. Winning components of this girl dinner will include:

• Flavoursome Meaty Things- maybe fennel seeded, imported Italian sausage of some sort. Maybe a pack of supermarket own-brand cooked tikka chicken breast chunks. Anything from the Squeaky Bean range for the plant based (their BBQ steak chunks are AMAZing).
• Cheesy Things: Honestly anything- top level comté, boring af medium strength cheddar, a tub of Philedelphia and a spoon. Violife Greek salad cheese for the vegos.
• Something Crunchy- crackers, crisps, fancy-skinny-pork-scratching-things if you are an absolute goddess/animal.
• Something Sharp- chilli jam, balsamic vinegar, supermarket tub of salsa.
• Something Green- just kidding! Or if you must, olives and a handful of rocket leaves that you wont eat anyway but at least it gets them out of the fridge.

3-The Contraband.
This is for my cohabiting ladies who have given up certain preferences due to living with a fussy freak of nature who can’t stand your favourite things. No real people can be arsed to cook two dinners, and in relationships it doesn’t always serve financially or politically to never eat together. Thus, your old food faves of the single life never show up for a Wednesday night supper any more.
Until, what’s this I hear but the approaching melody of a night in without the other half!?! Try not to celebrate this too loudly but hooo boy it is fabulous from time to time. For me, on a school night, this will almost always involve too much bread and a bowl of soup- which my Mr insists ‘is not a meal’. If it’s on a day when I have time/inclination to spend more than eight minutes in the kitchen then the seafood comes out. Last night he was away with the outlaws and I was enjoying garlic butter prawns with a courgette salad and a decent glass of rose in front of a terrible Adam Driver film. All blissful things that he would never partake in. This leads me on nicely to number 4.

No 4: The Movie Night.
This is the perfect opportunity to combine the first three options with dessert, and friends too, if that’s your thing.
A complicated, plated dinner is not called for when you are preparing for the screen binge event of your choice. Think simple, think sustenance, don’t waste time on complex recipes when your attention could be spent searching for some kind of Pedro Pascal content where he takes his shirt off and doesn’t die.
Into sci-fi? Pair the original Star Wars trilogy with curly fries, caprese salads and obscenely sweet soft drinks or spritz cocktails. Follow with ice cream just in time for Han Solo to tell you he knows.
Gothic Horror girlies can watch Crimson Peak by candle light with a big bowl of pasta and a juicy red wine. Balance out the jump scares with a chocolate heavy dessert and maybe a cheeky Manhattan (extra cherries).
Solo series binges are best served with those unhinged combos you would never dare in public: chicken nuggets dipped in milkshake; a green salad and an entire loaf of buttered sourdough; cheap lime jelly with tinned mandarins and cold Madagascan vanilla custard. Divine!

No 5- The Clever Girl

The closing girl dinner is the most important one, and this is not a roundabout way to remind you to eat breakfast.
A girl dinner is whatever you want to eat, and whatever you want to share that you enjoyed eating. It might be a fun in joke, it might be a really cute photo op, it might be a thinly veiled passive aggressive comment to your bitchy mother in law who stalks your instagram but never likes anything.
Enjoy your dinner. Eating vegetables doesn’t make you preachy and the odd bowl of nachos don’t make you a greasy uber-slut from mars*. And if some idiot, weak chinned man who has a recently caught fish in his profile photo tries to tell you that a high value woman eats only protein and home baked bread- please literally just bite his head off.
Women, girls, ladettes, and queens have spent too long being scrutinised on what they eat and mocked for what they enjoy. The media acceptable girl dinner when I was growing up was a diet coke and twenty marlboro lights, and it was damaging. It still is. So no, I’m not jumping on to take the piss out of this particular hashtag even though I’m probably expected to.
If you love your cutesy panda sushi and want to put it on facebook, do it.
Just rescued the worst day of your life with a tube of pringles and a tin of pinot grigio? Share that all you want.
Clever girls know that it’s not about glorifying obesity or alcoholism, ffs the original girl dinner involves lettuce. LETTUCE. You need to eat every day and you need to not be ashamed of it.
A smiley selfie and a hashtagged shot of your croissant is about choice and about joy and, yes, maybe about a little bit of attention seeking because also your hair looks fab today.
It really does. Enjoy it.

*Author is very much here for greasy Martian uber sluts.